Thursday, October 4, 2012

Cubs Cancel Pizza Party After Failing To Sell 3 Million Tickets

Earlier today, the Cubs Marketing Department was informed that their annual pizza party had been cancelled. The announcement came after the Cubs failed to reach 3 million in ticket sales for 2012. This season was the first since 2003 that the team didn't reach the magic number with only 2,882,756 fans paying to see the 61-101 team.

"We're not going to reward failure," said Team Chairman Tom Ricketts. "Maybe they can earn it back next year."

Many in the Marketing Department walked around in shock after the announcement was made.

"Does this come as a surprise? No," said Colin Faulkner, Vice President of Ticket Sales and Services. "Do I like pizza? Yes. Yes, very much so."

Asked why he thought the Cubs didn't reach the 3 million mark, Mr. Faulkner had few answers.

"I have absolutely no idea" he said. "I mean, we have such a simplified system for tickets. Good games are "Gold",  great games are "Platinum"... really, really great games are "Marquee", crappy games are "Silver" and games you can't believe you still have to pay to watch are "Bronze." It's very simple."

Executive Vice President, Chief Sales and Marketing Officer, Wally Hayward didn't have much more to offer.

"Couldn't be the ticket prices," he said. "Plenty of people were willing to hand over up to $160 a ticket to sit in the bleachers, plenty."

"Maybe it was the weather. It did get cold in April, and it did rain a few times a couple of weeks ago," Mr. Hayward said. "Listen, I'm not one to point fingers. If I was, I'd point them directly at the team's play this season, but I'm not going to do that."