BREAKING: The Chicago Cubs Are Bad At Baseball

The Chicago Cubs are terrible, historically terrible at the game of baseball.

Now this here team has been around for awhile. We've called Wrigley Field our home for 97 seasons, and for those there 97 seasons we've had some good teams and... well, hell mostly bad teams. But never, and I mean never have we been this bad. 

Even in our darkest days, we never suffered more than 49 losses at Wrigley Field - not ever. 

Well sir, after losing 2 outta 3 to the playoff-bound Pittsburg frickin' Pirates we have now established a new low. Our final home record for 2013 is as follows:

31 wins and 50 losses. Terrible.

I reckon there's not much more one can say, except for that old adage:

There's always next year.

Cubs Sign Kim DeJesus' Husband To A 2-Year Deal

photo via @KimDeJesus12 (hope that's ok, Kim)

Kim DeJesus' already lucky husband got a little more fortunate today when he signed a 2 year contract with the Chicago Cubs worth 10 million dollars.

Kim's spouse spent 8 seasons with the Kansas City Royals and one - last season - with the Oakland A's. He has a .284 career batting average; hitting a total of 207 doubles, 50 triples, 71 home runs and 436 RBI. He also has a .356 on-base percentage, and a smoking hot wife.

The Cubs will introduce Mrs. DeJesus' significant other at a press conference from Wrigley Field tomorrow at 11 am. No word as of yet if Kim, a lifelong Cubs fan from Wheaton, Illinos, will be in attendance. (Hope so) 

Go Cubbies!